My mother suffered a stroke back in October, and is still in the midst of recovery from it. She may never recover much use of one arm, or full use of her leg. She is speaking quite well, and able to eat and drink just fine now, but she continues to struggle with remembering words that would have once come easily.
I've been pondering the implications of this lately. I mean, I'm in my mid-50's now, my hubby his late 40's. Our parents are all in their 70's or early 80's, and, while we both have some long-lived relatives in our background, that doesn't mean they were healthy and independent their whole lives. Hubby is an only child, so we know there is a very real possibility that we will be called upon to care for his parents in the future.
So, this is not yet me, exactly. I'm not actively caring for my mother. That has, due to geography and other life experience, fallen to the middle sister of us three girls. It has occurred to me, however, that some older parents may find themselves in the situation of both raising their brood and taking care of Mom or Dad.
I am very fortunate to have my sister in a position that she can help Dad take care of Mom when she's released from the rehab center this week. I understand what a hardship this has been on her already. Even with being a full-time telecommuter for her job, she's had to take half-days off work for several months to go spend time with Mom at the center, so Dad can get out and take care of himself and his home.
Having Mom move into her house (already ADA compliant, since my nephew has been in a wheelchair his entire life) will make some things easier, but there won't be a CNA there to help Mom out of her bed into a chair or to assist her with a shower. A hospital bed will have to be rented ($200-$550 per month rental), as will a hoyer (c. $300 a month to rent, costing up to $3k, if purchasing outright) to lift Mom out of and into bed until she can manage to help herself.
My sister has to travel for her job, and this is causing our mother a great deal of anxiety. Mom trusts her to know what to do and to keep everyone and everything on schedule. While Dad and my brother-in-law will be present, it's not the same in Mom's eyes. Dad isn't really strong enough to be much help, as willing as he is, and there are potential modesty issues with letting my brother-in-law help with changing clothes, etc.
Everything I describe above may sound familiar to anyone who has cared for an older family member, regardless of age or relation. A quick internet search on caring for your parents popped up this article by Judith Graham, written in 2018 for Kaiser Health News.[1] It discusses many of the issues you and I may face one day, given the longer lifespans we and our parents may have, compared to generations before. While it does not address combining caring for parents and children, it does give a good overview of adult-care issues, and the impact on the older caregiver.
I'm going to do more research on the "caring for parents and kids at the same time" thing. When I'm done, I'll report back.
[1] https://khn.org/news/a-late-life-surprise-taking-care-of-frail-aging-parents/. "A Late Life Surprise: Taking Care of Frail, Aging Parents." Graham, Judith. Navigating Aging, August 23, 2018. Kaiser Health News: https://khn.org/. Henry J. Kaiser Family Foundation, copyright 2020.
The Older Parent
A discussion of the joys, trials, and mundane bits of having/raising children later in life.
Monday, February 3, 2020
Monday, October 6, 2014
I'm Back, and Ready to Blog!
I know - I've been away too long again. But before I get back to talking about all the joys of parenting in your 40's, a quick update on life in general.
I'm still unemployed. I'm getting interviews, but always seem to be the bridesmaid, not the bride. Actually, this wouldn't bother me at all except for the fact that I need to be making money, as I have yet to find anyone who will pay our credit card bills and car payments for us. The unemployment benefits are still coming, but not for too much longer. The kids have already been put on notice that they might just have to learn to watch their shows on the internet or, horrors, read the books and play with the toys that litter their rooms, instead of watching the idiot tube when they come home from school.
Update on my unscientific experiment - the hair color does seem to be making a difference. Since my initial blog about this in May, not one additional person has asked me if the boys were my grandchildren. Since the dye job doesn't seem to be making any difference in the job search, though, I'm letting it grow out. We'll see if there is an up-tick in the number of "grandma" comments as the gray increases.
I'm ready to blog again, and I have a few ideas for posts. Be watching - I have a lot to say!
Wednesday, August 6, 2014
The New School Year
OK, call me crazy, but I was always excited about starting the new school year when I was a kid. Yep, told you I'm crazy. Truth be told, I still get excited over it. But this year, I get the additional excitement of knowing that I have a built-in babysitter for the twins between 7:45 a.m. and 2:45 p.m. each day for most of the time between now and June.
Yes, that's right, the boys are starting Kindergarten in a couple of weeks. Even cooler? The teen is entering high school. It's going to be a fun year, I can tell already. And I am saying that only half sarcastically. I got the first taste of what the year will be like today, when we went to the high school to pick up schedules and fill out the requisite pile of paperwork generated by my daughter's peanut/shellfish/tetanus allergies.
First, it took threats of banishment from the computer to get Bobby to get dressed and ready to go out the door. The rest of us were actually looking forward to going out and getting the school stuff done, but not him. He was, variously, "too tired to get dressed", "hungry", "thirsty", and "too tired to do anything except play on the computer." His exact words, not mine. Eventually, we got him out the door, and the adventure officially began.
Upon arrival at the high school, you first have to show that you have your "fast pass", which proves that you went online and registered your child in the district for the year. OK, done. Great, we get to go down the hallway directly to the health office check in. And here we encounter hitch #1. The boys do not appear on the list held by the ladies at the check in, so we are diverted to the conference room off to the side along with other parents/kids that have medical issues to resolve. Once inside, we go up to the first desk, and are asked if any child has a medical condition. Well, yes. Those dang allergies. A packet of about 10 pages of information magically appears in front of me, and we are ushered off to a table so that I can fill out paperwork about Grace's allergies until my eyes cross, my hand goes numb, and Bobby nearly goes ballistic with boredom. Who would have thought Bobby to be a "two-percenter" already at Kindergarten? At least Carl was able to self-entertain by adhering all five of his "I'm a Registered Hippo" stickers to the front of his shirt, then to the table, then wad them up and stuff them under the table when I wasn't looking. Grace was bored, but she is used to the process, and bears it well.
Paperwork done, back to the desk. Please, lady, sign off on the fast passes so we can go to the next step. Nope, of course not. We have to go to another desk to confirm immunization records have been received and are up to date. At least all the lines have been short. Grace? Yep, she's covered, and her fast pass is initialed. Woo-hoo! But, ho? What is this? Neither boy appears on this list, either!!! I inform the lady with the list that I emailed their immunizations to the health office over the summer, and received confirmation emails in return. "Oh, ok. Probably just a printing error, let me check." The wait for this is longer than the wait in any line so far, but yes! Success! The boys' passes are initialed, and we are on our way.
Next challenge - fee management. So, the boys are brand new to the district, no prob. They are initialed, and ready to proceed. Grace, however, needs to be checked. Not sure what for, as they said library fines won't show up in the system. Whatever. She's clean. We're moving at lightspeed now! ;)
Passing through the doors to the cafeteria, we reach the real excitement - lines for each school where schedules can be picked up. Hurray!! But first we are intercepted by a nice young man (Grace tells me he's a teacher from her school last year), who informs us that we need to go to the opposite end of the cafeteria to turn in the fast passes and provide proof of residency. Yeah, I've got this covered. A polite conversation about twins while the lady makes three copies - one to attach to each pass - and records in her computer that we are legit, and we are through with all the requirements.
Onward to the schedules!!! As we cross the hallway, a nice young lady hands me an application to volunteer/donate/register our household for Orange Santa. That's this town's big charitable Christmas thing where needy families are provided with winter coats, turkey dinners, and gifts for the kiddos. Nice to see them start on this early, actually. I never seem to hear about it until Thanksgiving, after everything is in full swing.
Ah, yes, the schedules. There were tables set up for each school. None had much of a backlog, so we went to the high school table first. (Personal note: Grace wishes it to be known that what was already a bleak experience for her was about to become even bleaker.) We walked up, stated her name, and were given a piece of paper listing all her classes. We also picked up a copy of the dress code, cell phone policy, and a flyer for the Freshman Orientation. As we turned to walk away, Grace notices there is no lunch period. Then we see there are no times or teacher names. Turning back, we ask about this. Oh, no, this isn't the schedule. She won't get that until the first day of school.
Can anyone tell us the point of this???
Deep breath, and onward to the elementary school table. This is where my burning question of the summer will be answered. Will the boys have the same teacher, or not? If so, what hoops will I have to jump through to get this changed? The anticipation is killing me!!
Bobby's form is pulled, and he has been assigned to a teacher that has been teaching Kindergarten in the district for at least 12 years - a friend's daughter, now a Senior, had her for Kindergarten. This is good news, as far as teacher selection is concerned. Even if they both end up with the same teacher, she's undoubtedly experienced at handling twins in a classroom.
Carl's turn. Huzzah!! The form has a blank where the teacher's name belongs, and the lady at the desk states that he is assigned to a new teacher that just came on, and writes the new teacher's name in on the form. RELIEF. I can feel the tension flowing out of my body as I thank the lady.
Now then, one last thing. But first, no, Bobby, we CAN'T go home yet, and if you ask me again, you are going down for a nap as soon as we do get home. This is really, really getting old. Back to that one thing. Food services (with a quick side-trip to the YMCA table to ask about being able to add in the twins mid-year if I get a job). Each child is assigned a code in Kindergarten, and it goes with them all the way through high school graduation. I've had Grace's memorized for years now. Time to get the codes for the boys. At the food services table, we pick up the elementary menu for August/Sept, as well as the high school menu options for the first week of school. Hey, the high schools kids have LOTS of options! Not that that matters for Grace; she's a picky eater and will likely have pizza or chicken tenders every day.
But I digress. While I'm at the table, they offer me an application for free/reduced lunches. Well, I am still unemployed. Let's see. We have 5 members of the household. He makes this much, I'm pulling that much in unemployment. Nope, we make too much money. One of the ladies tells me, you just need one more kid. YIKES!! No, thank you!!! So, I say that maybe we'll qualify if my unemployment runs out. The other lady says, yes, come back then. I sincerely hope I don't need to do so, but thanks, I'll keep that in mind.
As we are walking away, Grace reminds me that I haven't gotten the boys' codes. Oops. Back to the table. Get the codes. Ah, done. Finally. Yes, Bobby, we can go.
On the way out, we see the high school principal. He was Grace's principal at middle school last year. He greets us, Grace by name, asking if we're ready for school. Grace answers "no," and moves on. I just shrug my shoulders apologetically to him and say "I think that's about all you're going to get out of her this year," then we're gone.
This is done, and Bobby did go down for a nap, though he didn't actually sleep. In two weeks, we have Meet the Teacher night for the boys at 6 pm, and Freshman Orientation at 6:30 pm - same night. Three kids, three different sets of teachers in two different buildings, two parents (assuming Raymond can be home in time to take Grace separately). Anyone have a cloning machine I can borrow?
This year is going to be fun.
Sunday, May 18, 2014
Something near and dear to my heart... Food Allergy Awareness Month
So, this past week was National Food Allergy Awareness Week, and May is National Asthma and Allergy Awareness Month. My daughter suffers from food allergies to both peanuts and shellfish. Not only does she need to avoid these foods, but many other foods due to cross-contamination.
This makes having a "normal" life more difficult for both her, and our whole family. Her life is literally at risk every time she boards an airplane because others on her flight or previous flights may have brought peanut-containing snacks on board, and peanut particles may be spread throughout the cabin due to re-circulation of the air. She can't safely go to seafood or Asian restaurants, with a few select exceptions, and bakeries are almost all verboten, due to cross-contamination issues.
She also doesn't get invited to parties. Folks don't want to be hurtful, I'm sure, but they are either at a loss as to how to provide for the food-allergic child at the party, or are afraid that there will be a reaction and they won't know what to do. These are legitimate concerns, but with a little education, there is no reason to avoid inviting a food-allergic child to your celebration.
As older parents, most of us never encountered another child with severe food allergies as children. The truth of the matter is, though, that one of every thirteen children in the U.S. has a diagnosed food allergy (1), and it is likely that we will have to face the prospect of inviting a child with a severe food allergy to a gathering at some point.
I recently came across an article on another parenting blog, and would like to share it with you. The article is "Food Allergies at a Birthday Party - Part 1." The blog is called Pebbles and Pigtails, and the blogger, Lisa Jorgensen, reprinted this article written by the CEO and Founder of Allergy Eats, Paul Antico. Whether or not your child has food allergies, you may find the suggestions in the article useful for planning your child's next event (or for reassuring other parents hosting parties your child would like to attend).
For more information on food allergies and food-allergy friendly restaurants, please check out these websites/articles:
AllergyEats.com
Food Allergy Research & Education (FARE/FAAN)
"5 Must-Read Myths About Food Allergies," Eat + Run Blog, U.S. News & World Report
Kids With Food Allergies
Diseases and Conditions: Food Allergy - Symptoms, Mayo Clinic
Recipes: Food Allergy Mama (Another blog worth checking out!)
This makes having a "normal" life more difficult for both her, and our whole family. Her life is literally at risk every time she boards an airplane because others on her flight or previous flights may have brought peanut-containing snacks on board, and peanut particles may be spread throughout the cabin due to re-circulation of the air. She can't safely go to seafood or Asian restaurants, with a few select exceptions, and bakeries are almost all verboten, due to cross-contamination issues.
She also doesn't get invited to parties. Folks don't want to be hurtful, I'm sure, but they are either at a loss as to how to provide for the food-allergic child at the party, or are afraid that there will be a reaction and they won't know what to do. These are legitimate concerns, but with a little education, there is no reason to avoid inviting a food-allergic child to your celebration.
As older parents, most of us never encountered another child with severe food allergies as children. The truth of the matter is, though, that one of every thirteen children in the U.S. has a diagnosed food allergy (1), and it is likely that we will have to face the prospect of inviting a child with a severe food allergy to a gathering at some point.
I recently came across an article on another parenting blog, and would like to share it with you. The article is "Food Allergies at a Birthday Party - Part 1." The blog is called Pebbles and Pigtails, and the blogger, Lisa Jorgensen, reprinted this article written by the CEO and Founder of Allergy Eats, Paul Antico. Whether or not your child has food allergies, you may find the suggestions in the article useful for planning your child's next event (or for reassuring other parents hosting parties your child would like to attend).
For more information on food allergies and food-allergy friendly restaurants, please check out these websites/articles:
AllergyEats.com
Food Allergy Research & Education (FARE/FAAN)
"5 Must-Read Myths About Food Allergies," Eat + Run Blog, U.S. News & World Report
Kids With Food Allergies
Diseases and Conditions: Food Allergy - Symptoms, Mayo Clinic
Recipes: Food Allergy Mama (Another blog worth checking out!)
References
1. Webpage, "About Food Allergies." url: http://www.foodallergy.org/about-food-allergies. Accessed May 18, 2014.Friday, May 9, 2014
Let's experiment...
If you've read my entry entitled "Are You Their Grandmother?" or viewed my profile, you've already noted that I'm pretty gray on top. Well, recently I've become unemployed, and, since first impressions count, I've gone ahead and dyed my hair so I won't look so old during interviews. I don't like it, but almost every other woman I know that is my age has her hair colored, I'm just leveling the playing field.
It occurred to me, however, that this also presents an opportunity. I used to be asked about being their grandmother every couple of months or so, on average, almost, but not always, by folks in the under 30 age bracket. Shall we see if I continue to get asked that now that my hair has been made younger looking?
This experiment is totally unscientific, and should be treated as such. However, I'll do my best to track this over the next six months and we'll see how it goes.
Just so you know, I've already had one person express surprise this morning when I said the boys were mine. No, not at the Mother's Day breakfast at their daycare. I was wearing a photo pin of the boys to my needlework club, and a lady and I were comparing notes about preschoolers. She's a grandma herself, and watches her preschool-age grandson after school.
So, two weeks into the younger-looking me, tally up one incident for the 50+ age group.
Check out my next blog for an update!
It occurred to me, however, that this also presents an opportunity. I used to be asked about being their grandmother every couple of months or so, on average, almost, but not always, by folks in the under 30 age bracket. Shall we see if I continue to get asked that now that my hair has been made younger looking?
This experiment is totally unscientific, and should be treated as such. However, I'll do my best to track this over the next six months and we'll see how it goes.
Just so you know, I've already had one person express surprise this morning when I said the boys were mine. No, not at the Mother's Day breakfast at their daycare. I was wearing a photo pin of the boys to my needlework club, and a lady and I were comparing notes about preschoolers. She's a grandma herself, and watches her preschool-age grandson after school.
So, two weeks into the younger-looking me, tally up one incident for the 50+ age group.
Check out my next blog for an update!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)