My mother suffered a stroke back in October, and is still in the midst of recovery from it. She may never recover much use of one arm, or full use of her leg. She is speaking quite well, and able to eat and drink just fine now, but she continues to struggle with remembering words that would have once come easily.
I've been pondering the implications of this lately. I mean, I'm in my mid-50's now, my hubby his late 40's. Our parents are all in their 70's or early 80's, and, while we both have some long-lived relatives in our background, that doesn't mean they were healthy and independent their whole lives. Hubby is an only child, so we know there is a very real possibility that we will be called upon to care for his parents in the future.
So, this is not yet me, exactly. I'm not actively caring for my mother. That has, due to geography and other life experience, fallen to the middle sister of us three girls. It has occurred to me, however, that some older parents may find themselves in the situation of both raising their brood and taking care of Mom or Dad.
I am very fortunate to have my sister in a position that she can help Dad take care of Mom when she's released from the rehab center this week. I understand what a hardship this has been on her already. Even with being a full-time telecommuter for her job, she's had to take half-days off work for several months to go spend time with Mom at the center, so Dad can get out and take care of himself and his home.
Having Mom move into her house (already ADA compliant, since my nephew has been in a wheelchair his entire life) will make some things easier, but there won't be a CNA there to help Mom out of her bed into a chair or to assist her with a shower. A hospital bed will have to be rented ($200-$550 per month rental), as will a hoyer (c. $300 a month to rent, costing up to $3k, if purchasing outright) to lift Mom out of and into bed until she can manage to help herself.
My sister has to travel for her job, and this is causing our mother a great deal of anxiety. Mom trusts her to know what to do and to keep everyone and everything on schedule. While Dad and my brother-in-law will be present, it's not the same in Mom's eyes. Dad isn't really strong enough to be much help, as willing as he is, and there are potential modesty issues with letting my brother-in-law help with changing clothes, etc.
Everything I describe above may sound familiar to anyone who has cared for an older family member, regardless of age or relation. A quick internet search on caring for your parents popped up this article by Judith Graham, written in 2018 for Kaiser Health News.[1] It discusses many of the issues you and I may face one day, given the longer lifespans we and our parents may have, compared to generations before. While it does not address combining caring for parents and children, it does give a good overview of adult-care issues, and the impact on the older caregiver.
I'm going to do more research on the "caring for parents and kids at the same time" thing. When I'm done, I'll report back.
[1] https://khn.org/news/a-late-life-surprise-taking-care-of-frail-aging-parents/. "A Late Life Surprise: Taking Care of Frail, Aging Parents." Graham, Judith. Navigating Aging, August 23, 2018. Kaiser Health News: https://khn.org/. Henry J. Kaiser Family Foundation, copyright 2020.
